2 years has been enough for Miss Chatterbox to show me how misguided my preconceived notions about parenting were. These are the highlights.
10. If you like sleep, you probably shouldn't become a parent.
9. Kiss your privacy goodbye. Going to the bathroom with a toddler is a bit like having a sports announcer in the stall with you giving a play by play (Yay! Mommy go pee-pee. Yay! Mommy wipe. Flush now, Mommy. Good job Mommy get a sticker!)
8. Even if you believe you have no shame....your kids will embarrass you. (See: Your kid said what?)
7. Remember that clean house, filled with expensive wedding gifts, artfully arranged to mimic your favorite HGTV personality's latest design? Yeah...take a picture, then take stock in Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
6. I gave birth to a Houdini. Baby proofing was a total waste of time and money.
5. Read the books, listen to the advice, then disregard and follow your own instincts. No one knows your child better than you.
4. Give yourself a break, no one is perfect - If that doesn't work, read my blog and you will feel better about your parenting. :-)
3. Some days you will simply count down the seconds until bedtime and others will make you beg someone out of a bartending shift because going to work feels like a relaxing Jamaican vacation.
2. The tender moments will make it all worthwhile, and may even make you repeat the process.
1. All you need is love, patience and a big bottle of vodka.