Thursday, June 9, 2011

Roaches and Spiders and Horseflies....Oh My!

After yesterday, I'm pretty sure Miss Chatterbox thinks her mommy is crazy...

Here in the Deep South, we are blessed with beautiful beaches, and sunny weather year round, but all that beauty comes at a price.....BUGS.  We have TONS of enormous insects.  Picture mosquitoes that can be mistaken for birds, banana spiders the size of dinner plates, and cockroaches the size of your palm - that CAN FLY (though 'round these parts we like to call them palmetto bugs - it sounds nicer).

So, as you may have gathered, I don't care for creatures of the entomological kind.  I'm not squeamish really, I just prefer for the outdoors to stay outdoors.  My idea of "roughing it" is staying in a Motel 6 rather than a Hampton Inn.  And camping....forget it, unless it is the motorized kind.

Recently, we moved into a new place and usually one of the first things I do is set up professional pest control, because with insects of this quantity and magnitude - it ain't a DIY job.  However, when I did the pre-move clean, I didn't notice anything that indicated that any insects had taken up residence and as we needed to move quickly, I postponed the required phone call....until yesterday.

During breakfast, I noticed a black spot, about the size of a quarter, moving across the wall.  So I grab a paper towel and quickly move in for the kill because no dang spider is going to live in my house!  I get the spider on the first try, and you know how you always look, just to make sure you squished it well enough - It turns out this spider was a momma.  All of a sudden, I had about a million tiny baby spiders
crawling all over my hand!  Yuck!  At this point, I'm doing the "oh bleep" (keepin' it clean, folks- my momma reads this blog!) dance as I race to the bathroom, with Miss Chatterbox on my heels, laughing hysterically at mommy's new game.  I shake them all off into the toilet, flush, then pour vinegar down the drain for good measure.  Phew....but now the "oh bleep" dance is the new family craze.

 Where I live, the horseflies are horrible this year.  For those of you who don't know, horseflies are the 'roided out Arnold Schwarzenegger (pre-govenator) of flies .  They are huge, fast, and their bites HURT.  After the spider fiasco, our day was proceeding normally, until I decided to take out the garbage.  This stupid horsefly hanging around the trashcan would NOT leave me alone.  I was swatting it away and I decide to slip quickly into the house.  Much to my chagrin, the fly was fast enough to make it inside with me.  Gross - c'mon the stupid thing was hanging around a GARBAGE CAN (do you know how many diseases they can carry- YUCK).  So I spent the next hour with a flip flop in my hand, literally sprinting like an olympic racer around my house trying to smash this thing, with Miss Chatterbox happily chanting, "shoo shoo fly away" while jumping on the coach.  Finally, I managed to chase it back out the door it came in.  Phew...I throw myself onto the sofa to catch a breather (with Miss Chatterbox saying, "again mommy again!") when I spot it....

My arch nemesis, the cockroach.  I'm not ashamed to admit, I squealed like a little girl.   I HATE roaches.  Anything that can survive a nuclear holocaust unscathed, should be exterminated.  Not to mention, I really can't stand the crunching sound they make when they get smashed - it sends shivers up my spine just thinking about it.  Now, this roach was the mac daddy of all roaches.  It was huge, had wings and I would swear it was staring me down.  I could practically hear it saying, "my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." So, I prepared for battle.  I covered my hands with rubber dish gloves, put a bandanna over my nose and mouth (Yes, unnecessary, I know - but it made me feel better) a giant wad of paper towels and stationed Miss Chatterbox on the coffee table as a spotter and cheerleader (go mommy go!).   Then I stared at the roach and waited for it to make it's move.  I knew if it  took flight, I would never catch it, so I feigned a move to the right, causing it  to move to the left, and I went in for the quick KO.   I barely get the gloves off my hands before I'm dialing the exterminator.

I'm pleased to report...not a bug in sight today.  My house is also spotless - a rare occurrence ( I couldn't have those bug germs hanging around).

Not so pleased to report that Miss Chatterbox's now delights in startling me by pointing to any brown/black spec of dirt and saying, "Mommy, Mommy buggy, buggy...kill it, kill it, yuck!"

Happy Summer, Y'all!

1 comment:

  1. South Carolina, the only state where even the GNATS bite.

    Oh. Be on the look out for brown window spiders. Not Brown Recluses, brown WIDOWS. I've found many on our back porch. They're brown with an orange hour-glass on their belly.

    Oh what fun.