Thursday, September 29, 2011

Beer Goggles and Baby Weight (TMI)

I was standing in front of the mirror, recently, lamenting the collateral damage of The Bun's arrival, thinking that Lean Cuisines and a day at the spa are not going to be enough to fix this mess.  Yeah, I'll admit it.   I was totally throwing myself a pity party when The Firefighter comes up behind me and asks, "What's wrong, Mama?"

I look at him like he's stupid....can he not see what I'm seeing in the mirror?  "This!" I say, as I gesture to the deflated, swollen, stretch mark covered mess I call my body.  

What I see in the mirror.

"Oh, I see it, alright, " he says as he kisses my neck.  "I see one hot mama!"

What he saw in the mirror.

Yes, he can occasionally say the right thing at the right time.  And yes, he was sober.   Good job, Boo. I should give you a sticker.  Still, I think something is wrong with his eyes...and after some consideration, I think I know what it is.

Two words for y'all.  Beer Goggles.   The beer and crappy pick up lines are optional.  In fact, I know from ten years of bartending, that every man owns at least one pair and that the longer a man has been married, the more likely he is to to employ them - if he wants to stay married.  I think The Firefighter has them permanently attached to his head...must be my sense of humor, 'cuz I ain't no Adrianna Lima.

Though, beer goggles or not, The Firefighter is good for my self esteem...when he emails me something like this:

I may not be Fred Flinstone, baby, but I can make your bedrock.

He questions my sanity when I email him something like this:

Well, what do you expect, Boo, when you send me crappy pick up lines?

If the barn's a rockin', don't come knockin'.  

Peace out, y'all!

1 comment:

  1. I distinctly remember the first time I heard Trace's One Hot Mama song, it made me cry. lol Still love that song and video. It helps remind me to change out of sweats some days so I'm at least trying to look a little hot while doing the dishes ;)