Monday, November 7, 2011

I only closed my eyes for a second.....

I had a really long, tiring weekend (making that money, honey - holla!) and try as I might, I struggled to stay awake Sunday morning with Miss Chatterbox.  After 20 + hours awake and less than two hours of sleep, it was definitely a Nick Jr. and dry cereal kind of morning.  Except Miss Chatterbox didn't want cereal, she wanted pretzels and nacho cheese dip....and I let her have it.  I know, I know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, blah, blah, blah....don't judge, at least it wasn't french fries.

So, I get her settled in with Barney and her pretzels and sit in the rocker to feed The Bun, while waiting for my coffee to brew (which I intended to drink the entire pot) and promptly fall asleep - parenting fail number 1.  I wake up only a few moments later to The Bun sucking air out of her bottle and know the second I sit her upright, I'm gettin' yakked on.  Outfit change number one.

Fast forward 30 minutes.  I get everyone settled in again.  Miss Chatterbox is now happily drawing pictures and The Bun is cooing away in her bouncy seat.  I sit down on the couch (mistake number dos!) and quickly nod off.  Again.  What?  I was tired, yo!  After more time than I will admit to passed, I open my eyes and see this directly in front of my face:

Oh yes, and you know it's only gonna get worse.....

I look down at The Bun, and see that her sister decided to give her preschool prison tats.  All over her head, like she belonged to some badass crib gang.  She looked exactly like the doll...only a little bit bigger and, well, you know, alive.  

So, I gently call Miss Chatterbox's name.  By gently, I mean holler out all three names in my biggest, baddest mommy voice.  She very sheepishly comes around the corner.

"Yes, Mommy."
"Did you color your sister's face?"
"Yes, Mommy, I color sissy's face."
"Why did you do that?"
"I no more paper, Mommy."
"Why didn't you ask me for more instead of coloring sissy's face?"
"'Cuz you ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (makes snoring noise)."

Well, she had me there.  

Then she said, "Mommy, you pretty" and started giggling.  I told her compliments weren't going to get her out of time out then headed to the bathroom to clean up The Bun.  When I got there and looked in the mirror, I found she had painted my face too - a la Michael Jackson! Complete with lipstick, eyebrows, eye shadow, even gave me with a red "glove"- and I had slept through the whole thing!!!!  NO, I will not grace the internet with photos of that humiliation....so don't ask. 

Damn.  I'm hiring a sitter next weekend.  

What are your epic parenting fails?



1 comment:

  1. I knew as soon as she said you were pretty and giggled. I did, I swear!

    My epic fail: fell asleep during Ice Age (it was the 78th time I'd seen it) while my 2 year old son gathered up all kinds of items of interest into the living room, including scissors, kitchen utensils, various bathroom items, some toys, food items, etc. I woke up and distinctly remember to this day how the sight of my living room caught my breath. See, you aren't alone.

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