Thursday, November 17, 2011

Random Ramblings (TMI)

Pregnancy sucked.  I did not glow - I sweated, swelled, and swore like a sailor.   Delivery sucked more.  P.A.I.N. - need I say more?  But postpartum?  That takes the sucktacular cake.  Why?  Because it's f'ing permanent.  Well, it's permanent for those of us who don't have a team of professionals to make it look like it never happened.  I mean, I'm alright with the expected stretch marks, but don't get me started on the size of my hips.  Running into something when you thought you had more clearance is not good for self esteem!

Did you know pregnancy can give you cavities?  I got dental work done yesterday, can you tell?  I may or may not be a little doped up.  There may also be some happy juice in my diet coke.  Shhhhhh, you can keep a secret Mr. Internet, right?  But really, I did not mind - at all - because my dentist is a total HOTTIE.  Three cavities mean I get three extra dates with Dr. Joe this year.   I could stare into his ocean blue eyes forever and imagine (deleted so The Firefighter doesn't get jealous)! Sigh.

Speaking of unspeakables, The Firefighter is getting more and more impatient with my reluctance to get vertical.  And I'm running out of excuses.  Not really sure why I'm scared to get back in the game, but probably because things aren't quite back to normal yet.  Having your gut cut open, piled on your stomach, then stuffed back in like a turkey, can do that to a girl.  And The Firefighter tapping me on the shoulder saying, "hey, baby, you wanna?" isn't helping fan any flames of desire.  Nope, that doesn't even stir the embers.  In fact, I think The Firefighter might want to up his game 'cuz that ain't gonna get him laid.  Ever.  Unless he's planning on getting a blow up doll.  She won't complain.

Speaking of getting laid, I think Michelle Duggar is either a people hoarder or a sex addict.  Seriously.  No woman can like being pregnant that much.    I think it must be the latter, because people don't stay put.  It's really hard to pile them up in your hallway or spare room, since they can move independently and all.  How on earth does she get her uterus to be so cooperative?  I decided, when I was pregnant with The Bun, that three or four kids would be ideal, however, my uterus seems to have other ideas.  Those plans seems to include a nice, quiet retirement, in Hawaii, maybe without me.  Is it wrong to be somewhat disgruntled by this?

In other news, Miss Chatterbox actually pooped on the potty!  This is a monumental moment, People.  It means one less ass for me to wipe around here.   It only took bribing her with an ENTIRE chocolate bar and promising more in the future.  I gave her said chocolate bar...then left her with her daddy all day - hehehehe!

So, this post doesn't really have a point, my bad.  

What are you randomly rambling about?













1 comment:

  1. YEAH! I was not the only one. It is amazing that I have 4 kids because being pregnant SUCKED A$$! Upside though, with babies 1-3, I went home in my own jeans. I was so sick with Noah that I gained a whopping 11 lbs. After delivering with drugs, without drugs and C-section, not having drugs sucked, but the next day I was soooo much better. Having my guts ripped out was by far worse. I would never CHOOSE a c-section in a million years. Love the rambles! It will all come back, assure your FF.

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