Wednesday, November 30, 2011

You Just Can't Replace MOM

The Firefighter is SO OVER being the Mostly Stay at Home parent.  He announced last night, "Putting out a fire without water is easier than dealing with these two terrorists.  I'm done."

He then proceeded to outline his grievances.  Miss Chatterbox doesn't listen, she isn't quiet, she won't potty, she complains about his food, The Bun just whines and cries all day, he can't get anything done, it's impossible to leave the house, he never gets any sleep, etc.  Outwardly, I was nodding and clucking sympathetically, but I can't deny, inwardly, I was getting great satisfaction out of snickering and thinking, "I TOLD YOU SO!" and  "Oh, NOW, you believe me, you big, stinky turd."  But, when he concluded his rant with, "And I look ridiculous in that baby wrap thing,"  I completely lost it.  I laughed like I was at a Chris Rock show.  I may have snorted a few times.  I'm cool like that.

However, the harder I laughed, the more offended The Firefighter became.  We ended up in a little bit of a spat over parenting techniques after I tried to give him some helpful advice.  By advice, I mean I gloated like a know-it-all who just won jeopardy.  "Suck it up, soldier, you're the grown up."  and "That's why they call it the terrible twos" wasn't really appreciated.  My bad. Who knew a dude who runs into burning building could be such a sensitive sally?

Although, we ended up laughing again when he said, "I'm pretty sure The Bun doesn't like me because I don't have big knockers, like you. "

"Maybe you ought to get a boob job."

"Or maybe, we ought to figure something out before I get that desperate."

Hopefully, we can.  I'm a pretty lax parent, but The Firefighter takes it to a new level.  He feels that things like getting the kids dressed, or brushing their hair and teeth are optional.  Balanced meals?  What's that? I've caught him giving Miss Chatterbox popcorn and calling it lunch!

The last one I can understand, after all, no one fights food the way Miss Chatterbox does.  Although, it probably IS a statement about his cooking.  He seems to have forgotten how he used to be banned from cooking at the firehouse because it took him 5 hours to cook (and ruin) a Stouffer's frozen lasagna.  Or how about the "salsa soup" experiment?  Eww, on second thought, let's not repeat that story.   My stomach churns at the very thought of it.

The Firefighter was also convinced the baby was sick.  Turns out she just had gas.   Apparently, you need big cha chas to burp a baby effectively too.  Who knew?

I guess you just can't replace MOM.

How do you divide up the parenting chores?


  1. LOL - we have this discussion on a regular basis. ESPECIALLY now that he is in PM school and I am a single mom of 5 until Feb 2nd (not that I am counting). Every time I get the, "Okay, I have to step up and help more." discussion, I hear about how he NEEDED that nap. Mind you, we have 4 and our littlest is now in Montessori, so on his off days he could get the WHOLE house cleaned without distraction. But, COULD is the operative word. Ah well, I get my chuckles in during the summer, when I am at this convention or that. I just remind him that I do all of that during his 48s while grading papers and actually doing laundry. Ahh, gotta love our men!

  2. I stay at home and he works 3 jobs. No problemo.

  3. Awesome. FireFighters are definitely cut from the same cloth, aren't they?

    I can't tell you how many times FireMan has told me that his job is way easier than being home with FireGirl.

  4. Too cute. There wasn't any dividing when they were little. He was working 50+ hours a week plus 10 hours of commuting and also volunteering. I'm happy to have the little sanity I have. OR whatever sanity I think I held onto because I lost it and didn't realize it.

    Now as teens and since he's on paid, he is fully equal. If he's off then he usually picks up the kids from their practices and takes them wherever else necessary and I wake up every morning to get them out the door. It works pretty perfectly right now.

    But I have to chuckle that he is getting a glimpse into the mommy life. I don't know too many that really do get it.