Friday, January 20, 2012

Let's Get Romantical

The Firefighter and I have been feeling a little disconnected lately.  After a couple of particularly exhausting days of endless butt wiping, tutus, and pretend tea parties, he announced that we need a Romantical Getaway.

Interesting, I thought, coming from the man whose idea of romance includes putting "sex" in the iCal and emailing me a reminder.

"What do you have in mind?"

"How about we get a sitter and rent a room at the Holiday Inn by the Airport for a night?  Maybe we could just ask them for a few hours instead of the whole night.  It would be cheaper."


"Boo, that's called prostitution, not romance."

"No it's not since we're married.  Why are you holding out?  Not like you can get any more pregnant.  The damage is already done."

That's my Boo, Tactful is his middle name.

I've never expected much in the romance department given he is a typical specimen of Southern American Redneck.   Whose mating call is the revving of a diesel dually pickup truck, and mating rituals include buying pink camo for his lady to go huntin' with him and putting a pink john deere or "doe" sticker on the truck window behind his female's head.

But The Firefighter is right.   Lately, I've felt like no more than the oven he puts his sperm to cook a real person and he's felt like a paycheck with honey do hands.

So I got to thinking about the Us of before kids and the Us of after kids.  

In some ways, we are better after kids.  We are less selfish, more in tune with each other, more likely to compromise, and we are much more likely to do helpful things for each other.  We will always and forever be connected by the 3 little people we made.

But, those 2.25 kids, that we love more than life itself, are sucking the life out of us.  Seriously, yo!  They are like little baby vampires that suck energy instead of blood.  By 7 pm, on any given night, we change into Parental Zombies.

And the hours that used to be dedicated to canoodling and intimacy, pre-children, have been replaced by bargaining and negotiations. 

"If we make love, I'll fold the clothes AND put them away."

"If you leave me alone, I'll iron your uniforms."

"If we get jiggy with it, I'll fold the clothes, put them away, AND get up with The Bun for her 5 am feeding."

"Deal."  Or more frequently,  "Don't mess with me, I can puke on command."

Kids.  They really put a damper on your sex life.  Seriously.  It's been downhill ever since I took the batteries out of my vibrator to put in that stupid talking Elmo a couple years ago.  

Calgon, take me away!  Just not to the Holiday Inn...

Any suggestions for a cheap parental getaway?




  1. Hold in there. It will get better. Surviving little one'sis a big task to a marriage. We're wiped out tired again now that they are teens with busy schedules.

    We're setting two nights out for the beginning of spring break. Kids are responsible enough to stay home and take care of the dogs. We're taking our camping trailer out to save money. Then we'll come home and go on family trip, but we need to put us first for once.

    I've even considered date night in the trailer in our backyard and pretend we're on vacation lol we were lucky my parents have always been there to watch the kids and made sure we did stuff just for ourselves. Really blessed with them.

  2. On account of I've BTDT, while I'm not too shy about talking about sex in general, but still kindly timid discussing more personal issues on a blog, I started to write you an email.
    But as I got to going along I was like, really? I'm the last person that should be offering sex advice to anyone.

    Sorry, I got nothing.
    Me and J went on an overnight "romantical" getaway back in November. Yeah, we pretty much coulda got a room at the Days Inn up the road and saved a couple hundred bucks.