Him: Babe, did you have a deadline to meet last night?
Me: No? (Momentarily panicking as I ask myself what did I forget to do)
Him: 'Cuz your sawmill was working overtime!
Me: Ha ha, buttmunch. It's way to early for you to be so chipper. The sun isn't even up yet. So, is that why you slept on the couch? Why didn't you roll me off my back? That's what I do with you?
Him: Yeah. I thought about it, but you were getting some really good sleep, and you've needed it since I've been gone so much lately.
Me: (Thinking, "Aww, how sweet.")
Him: And, for some reason, your snoring keeps the kids asleep. Kinda like a lullaby, but with more chainsaw. It must have been deafening on the inside.
Me: (Giving a mean stink eye)
Him: But I love you...even your snoring. And I know exactly where Miss Chatterbox gets her mean face from.
(Laughing as he ran away)
Me: That's right, Boo, you better run.
Happy Tuesday, Y'all.