Saturday, February 18, 2012

Toddlers and Testicles

Friday started out a normal enough day in the Horn household.  By normal, I mean by 8am, I'd already had my hands in poop, twice, and cleaned a sharpie picasso off of the fridge.  Little did I know my day was about to get more interesting.  Or embarrassing.  Meh, semantics.   

I got the girls loaded into the car and turned on the radio to drown out the earsplitting caterwauling coming from the uncooperative urchin in the backseat.  Now, my preferred genre of music is country.  Mostly, because I can relate to it (Gretchen Wilson, anyone), but also because it tends to be family friendly.  Until Friday. 

And this song came on the radio.  Red Solo Cup - funny shit.  You should listen.  Just not with kids in the car...

 Within ten seconds, I was hee hawing over the following lyrics:
And you sir do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinkin' from glass

Yes, folks, that's right. I am as juvenile in my humor as a 12 year old boy.  Or I spend too much time around firefighters that their enjoyment of potty humor has rubbed off on me.  Whatever. Life's too short, I'll take my laughs wherever I can get them.  

Miss Chatterbox stopped screaming long enough to immediately demand to know, "Why you waffing (laughing), Momma?"  And before I even stopped to think, I answered, "because he said testicle."  
"What's a testicle, Momma?"
We then spent the remainder of the car trip talking about things that shouldn't be talked about with someone other than mommy or daddu.  She seemed to understand. So, I breathed a sigh of relief thinking that disaster had been averted. I mean, did we really want to relive the  "hooker" incident?
We get to the bank, and as I'm depositing a check, as Miss Chatterbox lives up to her nickname and begins to yakkety yak with the teller.  I'm grateful the grandmotherly soul behind the counter is humoring her as I'm also trying to sign legibly and juggle a grumpy, teething Bun. 
Then I hear, "Do you have a testicle?" 
Now, there was a point in time, when my face would turn every shade of red in the crayola 64 pack - usually stoping on magenta, ala Veruca Salt- and I would feel the need to quickly defend myself about these types of incidents.  
Not anymore.  Kids are kids.  They say crazy things and these types of incidents happen with a startling frequency in my world.  So, I quickly shoved a sucker in Miss Chatterbox's mouth and smiled at the teller pretending that I never heard the word testicle coming out of my precocious preschooler's mouth.  
I'm not ashamed to admit, that I skadaddled the hell out of there as fast as I could with 50 lbs of kid strapped to me.   
That's not the end of it, but the rest of the story will have to wait for another day!
Happy Weekend!

1 comment:

  1. LOL, she never fails to entertain.

    I hadn't heard of this song until the other day, we went to a Crab festival at my parents place in Florida and a crafty lady was selling the "redneck wineglass" - mason jar glued to a candlestick - and she also had red plastic Solo cups glued to candlesticks. I didn't get it until my mom told me it was a song.

    Hilarious. We always have red (or blue) Solo cups with our names written on with Sharpie at our family gatherings.

    I still have my light blue one from this past Easter. It's my frien, LoL