Monday, April 16, 2012

My Name is ___________ and I'm Allergic

Hi.  We are the Horn Family and we are ALLERGIC.  Welcome to our egg, dairy, strawberry, nut and chemical free Internet home.  Let me introduce you to the key players in this occasionally dramatic but mostly comedic life.

Disclaimer - The nipples aren't real.  
Meet Amber, the chemical sensitive matriarch of the Horn Clan.  She is allergic to Demerol, diamorphine, ambien, levaquin, fentanyl, bupivacaine, so no plastic surgery for her, boys.  She's au natural.  She is also allergic to soy based injectables including all members of the Hep series vaccines, as well as pesticides, fertilizers and lets throw some lactose intolerance in there just for fun.  She is also a Gemini and enjoys long walks on the beach and grabbing her husband's sexy little tushie at inappropriate times.  She lives for motherhood as it allows her to laugh often and too loudly, eat off the floor, build sandcastles and roll in the grass with impunity.


Meet The Firefighter, the environmentally sensitive patriarch of the Horn Clan.  If there is a grass, pine, weed, tree, or flower pollen within 50 miles, his abnormally large honker will know about it.  He can be recognized by his ever-present sniffling and impressive loogie hocking ability.  He is allergic to pet dander, smoke, peanuts, and is lactose intolerant as well.  He is also an Aquarius who lives for his high rolling, hillbilly Cadillac, wrestling with his kids and annoying his wife with his endless supply of corny jokes.


Meet Miss Chatterbox, the vivacious and precocious eldest of the Horn sisters.  She is a severe asthmatic whose triggers include pet dander, strong artificial fragrances and a bleepin' unknown that is pissing her momma bear off.  She is severely allergic to strawberries and red dyes #3, #27, #40.  She is also a free spirited and adventurous Capricorn with an infectious laugh who loves to draw on any blank surface and teach her little sister to crawl.


Meet The Bun, the mellow and happy-go-lucky middle Horn sister.  This formerly allergy free member of the clan, now has the most encompassing allergy of them all - eggs.  Which scares the piss out of her parents.  She also has a suspect casein allergy awaiting tests results for confirmation.  She is a Virgo who adores singing, drooling, crawling after Miss Chatterbox and rolling over toes in her walker.



And introducing, for the first time on the blog, The Jellybean.  The youngest, as of yet unborn, of the Horn sisters, she has some big shoes to fill.  No known allergies at this time, but I'm sure she won't disappoint.  She is suspected to be a Leo and a thumb sucker and predicted to be a great dancer, as she already finds great joy in tap dancing on mommy bladder at midnight.

So there you have it, Folks.  Throw in a dollop of romance and a pinch of tragedy and we have all the makings for this dramatic comedy we call life.

Happy Monday!


3 comments:

  1. My FF is the same as yours with all the environmental allergies. He has to take an allergy pill everyday.

    I used to be the same, I had allergies from when I was a couple weeks old, I guess. Back then they didn't really know what allergies were and just thought I was always sick. I took ALOT of antibiotics in my younger years, it's a wonder I'm not immune to them.
    When I was in my teens I went to an allergist and had to go have a shot every week. I didn't get them all (because, OW) but I think maybe they helped. Now I really only get bad allergy attacks when we work on the house and stir up dust and sawdust and such.

    Once I heard FF tell a doctor he was allergic to penicillin and I was like, no you're not. He insisted he was. I said I knew he wasn't because once, when he was sick, I gave him some penicillin antibiotics I had left over from something I had had before (yeah that was back when we used to just take them until we felt better and saved the rest for another time, lol).

    I wonder what is causing so many kids to have so many more allergies to foods these days? I don't think I ever even heard of peanut allergies until my kids went to school, and now they're allergic to practically everything.
    I wonder if it's not the chicken or eggs or strawberries themselves, but something that's being added to them, the feed, or soil, or ?

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    Replies
    1. That is the million dollar question, Melessia! Nobody conclusively knows. I've read every scientific journal I can get my hands on... there are tons of theories, but none I'd give any credit to. ANd I did my best to buy organic, non GMO, non additive, non preservative anything. Im sure it helped, but didn't prevent. Some people say you control it by introducing potential allergens early...others say introduce them later. Some say it doesn't matter when, if you have a predisposition to it. Which is what I believe. Auburn, I introduced things waaaayyyyy late. She's still allergic. Strawberries, she had at least 10 times before she reacted. Aspen? I did the opposite and introed early and she reacted on the very first exposure. Given the speed of the reaction, I am making damned sure I don't intro an other "high risk" allergens until after 3 years old.
      The newest science does let us know that it is crucial to keep the allergens away because each exposure shortens the reactions time. For example, I have the luxury of a 10 minutes window on Auburn from the time the rash first appears until she starts to wheeze/swell. That means I can stop it in it's tracks with benedryl without having to hit her with the epinepherene. Aspen, identical reaction, from rash pattern to wheeze/swelling but not quite as large a window... which is scary. So say 10 accidental exposures could turn that reaction time into a matter of seconds before it could kill her.
      Reworking my entire thought process about eating/cooking....total fing pain in my ass. Keeping my kids alive...totally worth it.

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  2. Do you think there's a chance they'll outgrow it eventually?

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