Friday, May 17, 2013

Life's a Booger

Boogers.  I'm going to go on the record and say that I hate boogers.  Watching someone pick boogers is like five consecutive rounds riding in the Gravitron, getoutofmywayI'mreadytoralph kind of gross.

Which makes me think I may not be cut out for mommy hood.  There are lots of boogers in momville.  Springtime?  Psshhhaw.  They ought to rename it Boogertime.

Remember this little ditty?

You can pick your friends
You can pick you nose
But you can't pick your friend's nose

I'm pretty sure that wasn't written by a parent.  Because sometimes you just gotta pick your kid's nose.   If you don't, then they wipe it haphazardly and next thing you know there's that gleaming trail of snot and booger across their cute little cheeks.  Or there's just the snot.  AND then you have to wonder....where is the BOOGER?

That's just when they are really little.  I thought that was nasty enough.  Then they get a old enough to pick their own boogers.

And you end up with the wall o' boogers.  OMG.  There is nothing nastier than scraping hardened boogers off the wall.

Except, perhaps, WHEN THEY EAT THEM.

I might just have thrown up a little in my mouth.

I don't get it.  How does this thought process work?  "Oh look! Here is a tiny yellowy brownish gooey substance that came out of my left nostril.  It must be yummy and oh so satisfying.  I'm going to eat it."

BLECH.  

Miss Chatterbox, in particular, LOVES to taunt me.  She'll waggle her finger at me and say, "look at what's on my finger, Momma.  I'm going to eat it!!"

She totally gets that from The Firefighter.   Gross is in his DNA, not mine.

Anyway.

So, I was just surfing the 'net the other day, minding my own earwax, when I discovered that now YOU can eat your kids' boogers.

www.amazon.com/nosefrida

Can you believe people buy this thing?  I'm scarred for life here, people.  OH the germs!  Seriously.  You might as well lick a dumpster because either way you will end up S.I.C.K.  

BUT at the very moment I thought that civilized society as lost it's ever-loving, clean freaky mind, the heavens parted, the angels sang and I discovered...

THIS

My friends, meet the battery powered snot sucker.  Or Snot Mop, as I like to call him.

Ain't he a beaut?

I no longer have to touch the nasty nasal secretions of my rascally spawn.  It's a wonderful thing.


Happy Friday!