Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Apples and Phones

Yesterday, a neighbor child, whom I will call Apple, came over to play with Ms. Chatterbox and brought her iPhone AND iPad in her name brand purse.  She's 5.   5!  

Seriously.  I shit you not. 

Can you imagine if all toddlers and preschoolers had phones?  Parenting as we know it wouldn't exist!  It would be anarchy and chaos.   
Let's imagine a conversation between two preschoolers on their iPhones.  I think it would go something like this:

ImaginaryPreschoolChild1: Aljdlkasohgnoaisdtiuasdnl   xyz. 


*Ring Ring*

IPC1: Yo

IPC2: Sup? So, since I can't, you know, read, even though that momma lady is always going on about that alphabet thing and these letters climbing up some tree.  I mean who does she think she's fooling.  Letters don't walk. And who cares anyway? We can talk, can't we?  Reading. Pssshaww. Ain't nobody got time for dat!  Anyways, Boo.  Can you tell me what your text said.

IPC1:  Yo, Shorty, I was just asking you if you was cleaning up.  You see, I was just minding my own biz, with my sippy, watching Thomas-

IPC2: Love that Thomas, yo!

IPC1: I know, right.  I feel ya.  So there I was, watching Thomas and drinking my juice, and momma  comes in says it time to clean up.  AND get this.  She starts singing this song, yo.  It goes, "clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere."  Sos, I got to thinking.  Is everybody, everywhere really cleaning up? 

IPC2:  It's a scam, yo.  You got to know how to work it to your advantage though.  You see, you don't clean up every time.  Then when you do, momma goes all nuts clapping and give you candy or treats.  Work the system, yo.  Work the system!

We would lose all control, y'all!  It would be total toddler dictatorship!

Anywho, what are your thoughts on little kids with phones?  Necessary or unnecessary?