Saturday, November 30, 2013

Soap Scum, Ewww

So, I have a problem.   One that has been annoying the bejezus out of me.

Soap scum.  Black nasty soap scum, to be specific.  Ugh.  Nothing makes me feel more like a crappy housekeeper than a dirty bathtub.

For the last 8 weeks, The Firefighter had been temporarily reassigned to the FD shop.  He would come home covered in yucky black grease and immediately go and take a shower.  Thereby covering the shower in nasty black watery grease.  Despite cleaning the shower weekly and using that daily spray shit (aka - haha-sucker-you-spent-$5-on-watery-smelly-shit-that-doesn't-clean-anything), it still looked dirty.

The Firefighter finally returned to shift yesterday, so I decided today was the day I was gonna make the dirty tub mah bitch.  I pulled out the big guns - bleach, rubber gloves, and scrub brush.

20 minutes of scrubbing and some very very clear sinuses later, you wouldn't know I even touched it.

After a few minutes of cussing that would have made a sailor blush, I took it old school and brought out the Comet.  I was hoping to channel June Cleaver and harness some of her old fashioned scrubbing power.

Didn't make a difference. My bathtub was still dirty looking, yet so sanitary you could eat of it.  Not that you would want to do that.  Unless your Miss Chatterbox.  Don't ask.

Y'all, I tried everything.  Scrubbing bubbles, Magic Eraser, baking soda and vinegar, even CLR.  Not a single one of those made a dent in the nastiest most stubborn soap scum ever.  Out of desperation, I asked Mah Boo if he had any idea on what would get rid of this mess.  He said he would, "take a peek."

I stepped away for maybe 2 minutes, y'all.  I should have known better than to leave that man of mine unattended.  When I came back, he was using carborater cleaner ON THE BATHTUB.  OMG, the smell, y'all.  What was he thinking??  We could still smell it this morning!  Hello.  Redneck much?  Geez.

But you want to know the real kicker?  The bathtub looks great.  No, better than that. It looks like new, showroom new.  Like so new I don't want to take a bath and mess it up new.

Seriously.

I'll be damned if I admit it to him, though.  I'm a stubborn brat like that.

Anyone else know of some off the wall, off label uses for thing?















Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Elephant in the Petting Zoo.

There are some topics, as a parent, you know you will have to talk about sooner or later with your kids, like drugs, or the birds and the bees.

There's also the crap you hope you never have to discuss with your children.

But did you know there's a third category?  Yeah, it's called "shit I never imagined I would ever have a need to discuss with my 4 year old at the fair."  Wanna know what's in this category?

Elephant Penis.

For real, Y'all.  More specifically, a loud running commentary by Miss Chatterbox on the size of an elephants dick during an erection.  Let me share a little bit of this discussion with you.

Me:  Hey, look.  There's the petting zoo.  Who wants to look at the animals?  I see an elephant.  Let's take a closer look.

(We saunter over to the elephant ride enclosure)

Miss Chatterbox:  MOMMA!!!  LOOK AT THE ELEPANTS PEEPEE-ER! IT'S HUGE.  IT'S HUMONGOUS.

Me: Shhhhhhh, baby.  Don't look that close.  Not so loud.

Miss Chatterbox:  LOOK! It's getting even bigger!!!

Me: *pointed look at The Firefighter that says "A little help here?!"*

The Firefighter: *laughing so hard he's snorting*  That's what she said.

(If looks could kill, Y'all, I'd be locked up right now!)

Me:  Hey Babygirl, here's some quarters.  Let's go feed the goats.

Miss Chatterbox:  Ya, good idea, Mommy!  I wanna catch one.  Can I catch one, mommy?  Can I take it home?  It can live in my toy box.  I would be a good goat mommy.  Sissy, let's go catch a goat.

I totally dodged the learning moment there.  AND I'm totally happy about that. Truthfully, I'm not sure who was more traumatized, myself, or the lady with her young son, who was ON the elephant during this exchange.   Talk about awkward.

Have you had to discuss anything unpleasant with your children when they were small?