Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Elephant in the Petting Zoo.

There are some topics, as a parent, you know you will have to talk about sooner or later with your kids, like drugs, or the birds and the bees.

There's also the crap you hope you never have to discuss with your children.

But did you know there's a third category?  Yeah, it's called "shit I never imagined I would ever have a need to discuss with my 4 year old at the fair."  Wanna know what's in this category?

Elephant Penis.

For real, Y'all.  More specifically, a loud running commentary by Miss Chatterbox on the size of an elephants dick during an erection.  Let me share a little bit of this discussion with you.

Me:  Hey, look.  There's the petting zoo.  Who wants to look at the animals?  I see an elephant.  Let's take a closer look.

(We saunter over to the elephant ride enclosure)

Miss Chatterbox:  MOMMA!!!  LOOK AT THE ELEPANTS PEEPEE-ER! IT'S HUGE.  IT'S HUMONGOUS.

Me: Shhhhhhh, baby.  Don't look that close.  Not so loud.

Miss Chatterbox:  LOOK! It's getting even bigger!!!

Me: *pointed look at The Firefighter that says "A little help here?!"*

The Firefighter: *laughing so hard he's snorting*  That's what she said.

(If looks could kill, Y'all, I'd be locked up right now!)

Me:  Hey Babygirl, here's some quarters.  Let's go feed the goats.

Miss Chatterbox:  Ya, good idea, Mommy!  I wanna catch one.  Can I catch one, mommy?  Can I take it home?  It can live in my toy box.  I would be a good goat mommy.  Sissy, let's go catch a goat.

I totally dodged the learning moment there.  AND I'm totally happy about that. Truthfully, I'm not sure who was more traumatized, myself, or the lady with her young son, who was ON the elephant during this exchange.   Talk about awkward.

Have you had to discuss anything unpleasant with your children when they were small?














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