Friday, November 21, 2014

Candy and Lies

I totally lied to my kids.  

After a week of Halloween candy induced tantrums and sugar explosions, my sanity absolutely required that the candy secretly migrate to the fire station.   

Not wanting to be the target of their red 40 dye fueled rage, I lied like a whore in church.  I told them Elf on the Shelf stole the candy and took it to the north pole to share with his friend Santa.   Because Santa is always so busy getting ready for Christmas, he never gets to go trick or treating and gee, wasn't that so nice of  Mr. Jolly McJinglebutt?  

That's right, folks, I wimped out.   I suppose I could have been honest and told them they lost their candy because they were acting like a pack of rabid, slobbering, howling hyenas, but I'm positive would have gone over like a turd in a punch bowl.  I'm pretty sure my ears would still be bleeding from all the whining and crying the truth would have caused.  And the only take away lesson would have been that mommy is a meanie.  Aintnomomgottimefordat. 

Do you want to know what the best part is?  It's that they bought the story, hook, line and sinker!  

I have created the best scapegoat EVER!  Can't find your purple and pink striped socks, and omg nothing else will do?  Oh, don't cry, darlin',  Mr. Jingleballs must of hidden it.  We will just have to wear the purple and blue striped socks today until he brings it back.  Can't find the markers you were hiding in your room and coloring your furniture with?  Darn that Mr. Jinglehoppersmit, he's a sneaky bastard.  

We look so innocent!
Here's to all the moms who tell little white lies to save their sanity!

Happy Friday, Friends!!